Be prepared for some sort of far left wing rant next week when I am back from ISU.

Activism is really what I miss most about ISU. (Besides my friends, of course.) If I were there this year, I no doubt would be involved in more groups than I was last year, and more thoroughly as well. Of course, there's SEAC.. then there's the Indy, in which many of my friends are writers. Green Party would have been a big one too...

I really feel like I am not doing my part in anything here at home. At school I felt like I was making a difference; changing the world. I miss conversing with my friends on different issues, and things that matter. I honestly feel as if being at home has made me a less intelligent individual. I am not focusing my energy into productive causes. Maybe not less intelligent, per se, but definitely more superficial. =(

I can't even express my thoughts eloquently anymore. I have much to say, but the right words won't come. I don't have the attention span to do it right now, at least.

Oh well. At least for the weekend I can go back to my old world.. not just the partying and going out with friends part, but the much larger, more meaningful causes that I used to stand up for.. The feeling that I was a part of something larger than myself, than my world, than my problems... banding together to fight for things you believe in. The whole activist movement, the liberal views that don't quite exist in Downers Grove. I miss Matt, Geoff, Dan.. and the person I am when I am with them.. You know how there are people who bring out different elements of your personality? People who make you a better person just by being with them? That's how Matt is. I can't wait to see him.

I am sure I will come home relaxed, haha.. of course.. but more importantly more aware of the state of the world around me. More involved in causes that I believe in.. I won't feel like I am slacking in all areas of my life anymore. High expectations? Yeah, I guess. But I know that all this will happen this weekend, so that's why I am making a point to write about it.

I really regret not going with Matt, Geoff, Dan and everyone else from school to the protest against the war in Washington, D.C. the weekend of MLK. I feel like I know nothing about what's going on in the world and in this country, and what I can do to help, and I think had I gone, then I really wouldn't be in this boat as much as I am. This Friday there is an anti-war rally at school that I will be participating in, so maybe that will eliminate some of my feelings of helplessness. Who knows.

yikes gotta fly